Discover Your Attachment Style and Enrich Your Romantic Life


Written By: Shelagh Blumberg

Relationships may appear strange at first, but with closer inspection, we are likely to discover patterns relating to our attachment styles. That is a word used by psychologists to define core orientations that we develop beginning in our early childhood years.

Secure, anxious, and avoidant attachment patterns are the three most common:

Anxious attachment may lead to pushing people away by being overly possessive. Avoidant attachment is related with being lonely and emotionally detached.

The good news is that the majority of people have a strong attachment style. However, if you believe that changing your manner will benefit your relationships, you can do so. Here are some actions you may take with yourself and your loved ones to bring more intimacy into your life.

Steps You Should Take With Yourself

  1. Make an inventory. Examine yourself carefully. Do you avoid interacting with others? Are you concerned about getting left out? You may work toward being the person you want to be once you accept yourself as you are.
  2. Improve your self-esteem. A good sense of self-worth underpins secure attachment types. Use positive self-talk to motivate oneself. Recognize your achievements. Remember that you are deserving of love!
  3. Deal with tension. Anxiety can manifest itself in a variety of ways. When you’re at relaxed, you’ll naturally exude more confidence. Listen to relaxing music, pray on a daily basis, or meditate.
  4. Enlarge your circle. Relying solely on one person is a great strain on anyone. Create a larger support network with whom you can discuss your thoughts and feelings. Having more people to rely on is a sensible choice.
  5. Get out of your comfort zone. Changing your attachment style will take some effort. Motivate yourself to take chances by visualizing what you stand to gain. In addition to improving your sexual life, you may improve your relationships with family, friends, and coworkers.
  6. Seek professional help. If you notice worrisome trends in your relationships or have unresolved childhood difficulties, speaking with a professional may be beneficial. Request a referral from your doctor or a trusted friend. Some psychologists focus on couples therapy or relationship concerns.

Steps You Should Take With Your Partner

  1. Understand each other’s attachment style. When you appropriately appraise each other’s talents and limitations, relationships grow. You’ll be less prone to making incorrect assumptions or taking things personally. Even if you both feel confident, there may be places where you may improve.
  2. Be open in your communication. People can come to know one other on a deeper level through conversing openly and exposing deeper realities. Be respectful and truthful. Give your whole attention and sympathy to your loved ones.
  3. Take things slowly. In the early phases of infatuation, it’s tempting to get carried away. Make a concerted effort to slow down and remain objective. It will assist you in seeing beyond your emotions and determining if you are on the verge of a letdown or beginning to build more constructive habits.
  4. Determine your compatibility. Consider where the other person stands while working on the quality of your relationship. You and your spouse may be resolved to overcome all challenges in your marriage. On the other side, you might have a more informal relationship in which you can still have a positive effect on each other.

The majority of us have a combination of attachment styles. Once you understand your inclinations, you may better understand yourself and make positive changes that will allow you to have more satisfying relationships.

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