How to Find the Road to Forgiving and Forgetting


Written By: Shelagh Blumberg

According to experts, the route to wellness begins with forgiveness and forgetting. However, you may be wondering, “How do you go about truly forgiving someone when they’ve grievously hurt you?”

If you’re willing and able to concentrate on your emotional concentration and let go of any desire for vengeance, you have a good chance of succeeding. While you will always remember what happened, you can “forget” by putting the past behind you and moving forward.

To be able to forgive and forget, take the following four steps:

  1. Recognition. Accepting that you’ve been harmed is the first step toward forgiving and forgetting. Accept what has occurred and find a way to live with it. Acceptance is the first step in shifting your life in a positive manner.
  2. Recovery. It’s critical to give oneself enough time to heal. The amount of time it takes to feel pain alleviation varies; everyone recovers differently.
  • If at all possible, try to restrict your time with the person who injured you while you reflect and recover.
  1. Rejuvenate your connection. All relationships, romantic or otherwise, require nurturing in order to grow. If you neglect your connection for an extended period of time because you are upset, it will wither.
  • Begin spending time together once you’ve began to reap the benefits of your healing process. Go out to dinner, stay at home, or spend the day at the park together. The location is unimportant, but the company is critical to reviving your relationship.
  1. Restoring trust. This should be done concurrently with the revitalization of your relationship. The person who injured you should be trying hard to make you feel safe enough to trust them again. Be open to their affection, love, and attempts to right their wrongs. If you retain a grudge, you could be caught in this rut for the rest of your life.
  • It’s also critical to let the other party, especially if it’s your spouse, know that it’s fine to trust you. If their mistake was severe enough, they’re probably expecting you to retaliate and exact revenge. Make a genuine attempt to reassure them that you want to reconcile and begin over.

To move forward, you must be willing to let go of what you formerly believed to be true in order to co-create a new reality. This is the basis for true forgiveness and forgetfulness.

But it takes two to tango in this scenario. Both you and the other side must be willing to put in an honest effort. Though it may appear unjust to ask you to exert effort when you’ve been harmed, this is the cost of breaking free from those toxic bonds.

People do evolve. If both sides in the relationship are willing to work on it, trust can be reestablished. While the mending process may take time, two individuals who are prepared to reconcile and persistently pursue each other’s happiness will enjoy happiness for themselves as well as a long-lasting intimate partnership.

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